I was reading the book Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow the other day and this concept really stood out to me. It read, "I personally prefer the "straight" times! I like to be able to see how everything is fitting together. The crooked times are difficult, not just because they're crooked but because we can't see how God is working. But those are the times that require faith. Remember God is fitting things together even when we can't see. It just doesn't feel as good or as safe." She goes on to quote another author, "There is the crooked that God causes and the crooked that we create for ourselves and God allows. We make mistakes, blunders, messes. We create disorder, chaos, sadness and suffering by breaking God's instructions concerning how life is to be lived. Yet He who is in control over all things says, concerning the seemingly crooked that He has made or the crooked that we have caused "All things work together for the good, to them who are called according to His purpose."
Most of you know about the crooked path to which I am referring. I have guesses on whether this crooked path was God's doing or our own. I spent so many nights lying awake questioning that. But at the end of the day, I guess it really did not matter.
I have not updated this blog for a very long time. At first it was because I literally could not type the words. Later, it was because I was trying to be respectful. In the last post, the plan was for Rose Nacheca to go start a life with another wonderful, loving family. This was so incredibly difficult for my family and I. We were trying to follow what we thought was God's plan. We were so tired and drained and unsure of everything, not a good time to make big life decisions in case you are wondering!
As the time neared to have to say goodbye to her, all of these memories flooded our hearts and minds. Dan met this young lady when she was two years old and barely weighed 12 pounds. The night he got home from Haiti she was all he could talk about. Once I saw her picture I understood why. She really did truly look like Michelle and at once I was completely convinced that helping her was to be the main focus of our energy. And it was! We worked for months to get her here. When the earthquake struck Haiti, the urgency really mounted. Getting her out of Haiti was a challenge but not as big as the one that awaited her here in the US. She has gone through so many medical procedures and testing since she has been here, not to mention the two heart surgeries. Once you have fought so hard for such a helpless little person is it ever really possible to stop? We thought that we could, but it turned out that we could not. We had watched this little girl go from someone who spoke barely any words to anyone, who could not walk (she took some of her first steps to us while we were visiting her in Haiti over Easter 2010), who was failing to thrive to a little girl who speaks fluent English, not only does she walk but she runs jumps and dances, and she is now thriving.
While the decision to adopt her is very right for our family, we hurt some very wonderful people in the process. For that I could not possibly feel worse. So there are parts of this crooked path that we have to take responsibility for which is never pleasant.
Rose Nacheca is doing great! She has completely healed from her open heart surgery. Her scar itches her pretty intensely sometimes but otherwise she is completely unbothered by it. She has her first well child check up on August 2nd. We were so busy taking care of the big things for the last year and now it time to take care of the little things. I am going to ask for a referral for speech and OT therapy. Now that she has her hearing aids, she should be able to start speech therapy. Her sleeping issues are finally working themselves out. I talked to a very wonderful Neurodevelopmental Disorders Specialist at The MAGIC Foundation convention and she gave me some good ideas for sleep and so far they are working really well (thanks Nicole if you are reading this!!!). The other two things we need to make a priority now are getting her eyes checked (most kids with Noonans need glasses) and taking her to a pediatric dentist and getting the work done on her teeth. Her condition, Noonans Syndrome, has left her with poor enamel and she came to the US with some deep cavities. I think getting those fixed may help with some of her ongoing food issues.
I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer!
Jamie
